I had some down time at work the other day, and was reading the obituary section. That tells you all you need to know, as there was no activity, and to put it mildly, "Boredom" was the word of the day. Dr. Joyce Brother's obituary was the featured one, and while she did live an impressive life with a lot of accomplishments, I don't like the word "was." I'm sure her relatives and loved ones don't feel this way, although I don't know for sure, because whether you live to her ripe age or less, "was" doesn't seem to be the proper way to describe one's death. Yes its permanent of course, and people can argue all day about life after it, but I do firmly believe in my heart that our soul's leave our bodies into the Heavens. There is renewed interest in this area through some religious scholars, and also through the medical profession. Yet the word "was" isn't really true about our children when they go home, and we don't.
Death is not a comfortable subject for most. We try to avoid discussing it, or looking the other way as a funeral home, is on the side of the road. I plan on living until 100 years if God is so willing, just so I can finally accomplish something, that won't be mentioned here but its quite hilarious. Yes my own son passed away four years ago, and Tommy is thought about and missed each and every day. Even through the tears, and the occasional smile, he is still very much a part of our family's life and always will be. That's correct, "IS!" His younger brother is learning about him at an age appropriate pace, and other parents who've been met, also feel the same way about the "was" and "is" wording too. Some might say, that semantics are a bit anal retentive, and in most cases I'd have to nod my head. However, with death, even though its permanent, our children are still very much a part of who we are, that are part of this club that's not wanted but very much the reality.
You can run all day, lift weights, drink vitamins, but you are not avoiding that final curtain call. When its your time, I hope that you have lived a life of purpose, and one where you can say "job well done." That's my goal, because even though we each must face challenges and tragedies beyond our worst of nightmares, it is imperative to stand up, dust yourself on, and continue to keep your child's memory in your heart. If I was struck by a vehicle tomorrow, or manage to land on a bicycle with no seat from a tall building, I want my wife and son, and immediate family to remember "is." The obituaries have it wrong, because while our loved ones have left us, they are very much a part of our daily lives. "Is not was."