Dreams are Powerful Reminders of Loss

I cannot honestly say if I've had dreams about my son Tommy's passing prior to the other day. Often I do dream, but have a hard time remembering anything about them, with the exception of the ones that don't make any sense at all. Yet, the other day, I had one so powerful and so painful, that I hope that it does not happen ever again. Its not up to me of course, as the mind asleep, can remind you of events in life, or of things that are out of a Dr. Seuss novel. I do not want your sorrow, but am wondering if other parents have had this experience. It has been almost three years since our boy passed away, from that seizure that took his life. He is still very much in our hearts, and always will be. His younger brother knows all about him, and as the years continue on in the road of twists and turns unexpected, we shall tell him more about Tommy and all that he stood for.

Tears fell down my eyes. I wanted to wake up desperately, as I could not seem to make myself do that. As I had my head on the pillow in the morning, I could hear that my wife was taking a shower. I was trembling, crying, as I had just been given the news that my little boy had died in a car accident. Tommy was gone. I knew this already, but this was a totally new angle, as that's not how he left us. It was such a strange setting, the strip mall down the street from us, and I do not know if this is related to talking to a man years ago who lost his son who was racing the car aggressively, or just by sheer random chance. I have never had a dream, where I was crying in my sleep, and even so when finally awake. That's when I was able to stop for the most part, but the dream woke me up early, and I wonder how I am going to handle Tommy's third anniversary of leaving us on 11/04.

Life is so mysterious. The human mind certainly can play tricks upon us, and although the science behind dreams is not very well established, I do wonder what this one means other than living through the pain of losing a child. Do other parents who've been through this, have this same experience? I was shocked by the powerful emotion from this dream. To wake up crying is not expected, and while there have been tears and will be, that is an odd time for this to occur. I chalk it up as another one of life's lessons, and have not been permanently harmed by it. In many ways, I think of it as a reminder of what was, and what is. Tommy is very much missed, and I often smile and cry, when I look at his brother, or pictures of him. He'd be eight years old now. It is my sincerest of hopes, that seizures will be cured, and no other families will have to go through this. Yet until that day, sadly that is going to be the case. I hope to have a a dream, that becomes a reality, and that is the cure is discovered, and people across the globe can celebrate the day that SUDEP is no longer a dreaded acronym of so much heartbreak.