Spiritual Interlude: Quiet in the Woods

The past few weeks have not been easy, as they would have been Tommy's eighth birthday. I spent time crying watching his pictures go by, from his Memorial Service, and the one that broke my heart the most was my presenting him with his fifth birthday cake. It was ultimately his last, and I went through a slew of emotions, from anger to mostly being completely depressed. It has not been good times per se, and anniversary dates for other parents of children who have gone to God far too early, understand exactly what I write. These days, particularly birthdays and the date of departure, are especially cruel because they are a reminder of what was. They are also a reminder of what isn't.

I took a couple of days to go camping. As usual I forgot a item, per tradition it seems. This time it was the dish soap, which had to be substituted with the bathroom liquid soap at Burke Lake. They may have raised their rates, but I am glad that the Fairfax County Park Authority, helped make Campbell's Soup on the stove a possibility, along with coffee. It was just the dog and I as usual, and of course also per tradition, I found a way to rip my tent. Setting up was not exactly as planned, but I actually laughed for once, and even did so when I had to again "improvise" by using the electric power at the bath house for the inflatable mattress, due to the batteries failing on the unit I brought.

This is a yearly pilgrimage, and its where I spend time alone just reflecting. There was some pain, as I lit up the campfire, and looked into the woods. I prayed for answers, and while I received none that I am aware of, I do feel more at peace after those couple of days. The quiet ripple of the waves, and that campfire made it a reprieve from the hectic nature of life in the city, and allowed me to just tune out the distractions, that really are nothing but background noise. 2012 has been a quiet year, as I have not been as engaged on the seizure front, but I did realize that it was beneficial to "take a step back." This way when the time is right, I shall be ready to march again, and with more purpose.

I cannot say if this campout was a success or not. At the very least, it helped calm the tears and anguish of the week preceeding it. There was some simple appreciation for being alive, for being able to share Tommy's story with people, and to try to find new ways to connect with others on this path of life. There haven't been any radio or publications this year, but I realized that does not matter, as my primary objective is to do what its always been, just to get through, not over Tommy's passing. I am a lucky man to wake up every single day, and while I do hope to live until 100, I am not afraid of being a part of the Lord's plans, as simple as they may be. Everyone should spend time in the woods. True, it might be as exciting as a trip to Disney World, but it provides guidance to what we should be doing in this life.