The past month I have been very frustrated. It has not been the most difficult of times, but it has led to consternation, tears, anger, and an outpouring of emotions that have been all over the place. Nothing will ever cause more pain then the passing of my son Tommy, and it is because of this sadness, that I now have my eyes open more. Whether it be to the needs of others, or taking time off to reflect, each and every one of us has issues. That's because we are human, we are all sinners, and imperfect in every regard. I am thankful to unexpected angels who have guided me this past month, along with the kind tutelage of Bethlehem Lutheran Church. I am grateful to my family, friends, and so many more that have helped me to keep the faith, and realize the lessons that have just been endured, and I do hope for answers.
As a high school student, I ran sub five minute miles. I loved getting out on a track or for a long distance run, and just straight up, being part of a team and also knocking the socks off of fellow runners. It wasn't with animosity, but rather, just a spirit that wanted to win. I wanted a chance to get a college scholarship also, and had two knee surgeries wipe that out. The first one I came back, and my speeds were slower. The second one prevented me from running period, at least but for short distances. This past year I made a comeback of sorts, and was thrilled that my knees with proper icing and aspirin, allowed me to run up to half marathons. My times for a guy in his mid thirties were pretty good, in fact I'm proud that I was able to run thirteen miles with an average page of 7:15, and even was able to get in a 5:57 mile. I lost close to forty pounds in the process, and am in the best shape of my life.
This was also due to being diagnosed with severe allergies, and getting treatment for it, that allowed for this to happen also. Immune therapy made it possible for my lung capacity to improve at such a rate, that I was barely out of breath after 13 miles. It was thrilling, and I just smiled, while crawling back to my vehicle or the house after completing a run. Yet a month ago, I went into encephalitic shock, and had to be shot up with adrenaline, to allow me to breathe after an allergy shot. I was angry. Furious. I am thankful that the nurse realized my respiratory issues, and immediately got the doctor, and administered this. Yet I have had to make some changes, including giving up that occasional cigar, and even more painful, running. I am now on a regimen of prescription drugs that cause even more fatigue, and I've gone from feeling 26 to 56.
To go from the top of your game, to the bottom, completely sucks. Yet, I have come to the conclusion that even though I will make another comeback to running, it is going to take some time. Its probably going to involve more doctors, more needles, and being the proverbial walking guinea pig. However, what is the most important is being alive. This is a slight burden compared to what so many more people go through, and I'm thankful that I did not leave my wife and other child alone. Life is such a blessing just by itself, and there are other activities. True I'm going for a second opinion, but it is not the doctor's fault that I'm the "lucky 1/2 of 1% that have this reaction," but perhaps its God's way of saying focus on your family. That's what I've been doing. So far there has been no weight gain, which was a concern, and I've spent more time with my silly three year old, who needs a father to provide guidance. I've also been able to see my wife thrive, and we've done some activities that don't have "restrictions" on them. Its been great in that regard, and I hope that once the testing is complete, to be back at 100% sooner rather than later.
Each of us have battles. No matter if its epilepsy or other medical conditions, none of us have bodies built of steel. We are human, and must take care of ourselves, in order to help others. I do not know what the future brings, but I pray that God will provide guidance. Today at church, there were some valuable lessons, about Noah's ark, and riding out the storm. This is a minor one, and there are going to be more in life, as that's what our mission on this planet requires of each and every one of us. We are all capable of amazing things, but what matters the most is to accept what we cannot control, and give everything to what we can. Its easier said than done, but this Sunday and the past few weeks, there has been a lot of reflection. I continue to pray for the health of others, including those affected by seizures, and will continue to push for advocacy and awareness. Yet at the same time, it feels good to have the blinders off, and let the competitive spirit take a break. Its healing, and I have a feeling that this is part of God's plan, and will just learn to live with this experience as another of life's lessons. Life is a blessing, each and everyday.
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