To Those Who Have Lost a Child

If you have just lost a child, my heart is with you, as our family has been down this painful road. A little over three years ago, our beautiful Tommy departed this earth, and not a day has gone by that he's not thought about. Bits and pieces of that terrible night, still continue to linger, as memories that can conjure up tears at a moments notice. There is no getting around the anger, grief, denial, bargaining, and acceptance. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross was correct about this, and it is going to challenge you, like a knife through the very essence of your soul. You will never get over it, yet you can get through it. For siblings and others, I highly recommend age appropriate honesty. That is the only way to grasp the significance of what has happened, by facing the harsh reality, and admitting that you have been thrown a punch to your life that you will never fully recover from.

Yet, there is hope. I am deeply thankful to so many, who have helped me keep my moral compass, "righting the ship" for better words. Life has changed, but yet I am still content. In some ways, I enjoy everyday even more now, as each day no matter what is a blessing, it is to be savored. Anniversary dates are painful yes, and many tears are shed at these times. Yet they are times for self-analysis, and reflection about what my son means to me, and how I can be a better man. Each person handles grief differently and that's okay. Its what makes us human after all. There are so many walking with you, millions of us across the US and around the world, are going through this experience all of the time. The adage "everyone dies" is true, yet even through the most painful of losses, you can gain knowledge and new lenses that allow you to see in a completely different way.

Embrace life. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but really it is imperative. There will be a "new normal," and it does not have to stink. Will there be days that you don't want to get out of bed? Yes. Yet at the same time, you will learn to understand the beauty of the most simple of things. I used to laugh at folks who said, "Spend time to smell the roses." It sounded cheesy, and in my opinion ridiculous. Yet its true in a figurative sense. Just going on walks in the woods, and looking at the beauty of the leaves changing recently, was a good way to spend a day. Sitting with my fishing pole by the river, and not catching any fish, was a perfect time. As the waves rocked the pier, I just found a "little slice of Heaven", even if my bucket was empty my heart was not.

You have been given the greatest challenge, by having to go through the loss of your precious daughter or son. Its up to you whether faith is important or not, as each person has to decide for themselves whether that is the correct avenue. I'm not a preachy guy that's going, to ram it down your throat, but I do believe in something greater and bigger than all of us. Do I know why to many questions, including why my boy passed away? Nope. Yet when that wind blows when out camping in the woods, or I've met people like Brother Bill, who fought his life with dignity through the horrors of Jim Crow, having his father leave his family at a crucial time, serving on the front lines of combat, losing a child, and now protecting a church I am inspired. I hope that all parents who have gone through this pain, can meet their "Brother Bill," who steps up at the right time, to help them realize that there is a path that can be taken. Acceptance is hard, it takes time, and there's no clock on it. Yet when it does happen, then you will as Dr. Kubler Ross writes " that person who has been changed for the better."