It is so painful to be by the Christmas Tree, or the Menorah without your little boy or girl, isn't it? That empty chair at the table, the hole in your heart, that just seems to always linger with you, not quite leaving you at peace. Your child is, but your soul is churning with all of those memories, both good or bad, in the time that you shared with them. I am a little over two years since the passing of my boy, and I am not going to run away from Christmas celebrations, but it is hard to think about, "what if." Yet, the harsh reality is my son is gone, and there are so many other people, that are in the exact same position. They are hanging up Christmas Ornaments that their child loved, or perhaps was made for them, by someone special, such as a grandma or grandpa. You dread pulling out that box, with those decorations in it, knowing your heart is going to skip a beat, and the walls might just come crashing down upon you again.
Yet they don't have to. Those tears are fine, and if they are needed, they must be shed. At the same time though, its up to you to find what makes you satisfied. Is there such a thing as complete happiness? Last time I checked, nope. There is satisfaction, and this comes from several sources. One, is are you content that you are making a difference to someone else's life? If you are, then you should be satisfied, and it doesn't have to be anything big at all. During the holidays, reach out to someone in need. It could be as simple as giving a homeless person a sandwich, putting a couple of dollars in those red kettles that appear at every corner, or just letting another kindred soul know that you care about them. Two, think about those memories, but think about them in this way, would your child who you miss so much, want you to suffer year in and year out during these times? Honestly. Dig deep, reflect upon this for some time, but I am betting, and not being a gambler I don't roll the dice, your little boy or girl, wouldn't want you to constantly be in pain during these holiday periods. Instead, focus on the joy that they brought you, and share it with others. That is the ultimate gift, and it is satisfying both for you, and the person that you've touched through the legacy of your child.
Christmas and Hanukkah, and other holidays have been overcommercialized. Its okay to be irritated about one thing, the stores having related displays up after Halloween. The next time you see Santa Claus on November 1st, as part of a blow up display full of that hot air, deliver a knockout punch :). Its a tough period no doubt, but hold on to those happy memories. Yes, there is an empty chair, and empty spot, where your little one used to be there during these special times. Yet they still can indeed be, cherished moments, and this year while I put my son's decorations up on our tree, there was a lot of thoughts among family members. They can share their's if they like, and I hope that they will. When looking at Tommy's decorations, I now know he is with our loving God, and that while its okay to cry, at the same time, its important to remember what he did, and let his brother and others know about what he was able to accomplish with his time on Earth. That alone, is able to bring up some joy, and yes there are tears, but most of them are of the festive variety.
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