I Don't Give Up if You Don't Give Up-Signs Point to A Cure for Seizures

A high school friend of mine, who I greatly admire for her tenacity and courage, recently helped me to re-discover Train's "Calling All Angels." When this song came out, much like the rest of this bands stuff, I would change the channel. It would take a nanosecond for this to be "gone", yet now I love it when this song from six or seven years ago plays on the radio. The other day, I was listening to the radio in the car, and hoping this would come on. It was a wonderful surprise when it did, and I sang to my hearts content, much to the chagrin of commuters, pedestrians, and even wildlife in a mile radius. While I am happy that the window folks have gotten a lot more business in this area, a lot of what this song is true about faith.

November 4th, 2009 is a day that will live in my heart forever. I will never, ever get over the passing of my son Tommy at age five, from a seizure. Yet with the loving hands of God, family members, friends, neighbors, and people I don't even know, I shall get through this. These lyrics of this song describe the past year and a half's painful times: "I need a sign, to let me know you're here. All of the lines are being crossed over the atmosphere. I need to know that things are going to look up, cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup." How true that was. When Tommy passed away, I felt despondent, and exactly like the last part of that lyric.

Yet I have hope. That quality cannot be questioned anymore, as its power is truly spectacular. There have been no booming voices, burning bushes on my front door, or God showing up in my living room. Yet I feel His presence and guidance. The pain is not going to go away, but with heartbreak comes resolve. The lyrics in this song again describe how fighting seizures is now the main mission in life, and these are "I Won't Give Up, if you don't give up." Well, there's no giving up period. There will be pain, bumps along the journey, and trials and tribulations that will cause stress and a lot of tears. Yet there will also be laughter, smiles, and positive gains made as well. With the grace of God, with the footsteps of many, and the researchers of Vanderbilt and other institutions, may a cure for seizures be found.

God works in mysterious ways, and we have "free will." I know it would be okay if I just sat around in misery, but what would that accomplish. Why not do something positive out of something so painful? We do not have time to waste in this battle, as there are children and adults who are affected by seizures everyday. Productive adults are knocked down for days due to these. People with intellectual disabilities have all of their gains diminished, with those who love them, feeling hopeless after these events. "I need a sign to let me know you're here, cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear." These last lyrics could describe faith, and the battle we have with it sometimes. In our fast paced world that keeps us on the go, go, and go, it helps to simply reflect.

My view of God is endless love, that is beyond our human comprehension. I am not angry at God for the death of my son, but I am upset that we do not have a cure for the seizures that ultimately caused him to lose his life at the young age of five. As I look up at the blue skies today, through the green pine trees that are in front of me, it is sometimes hard to picture a loving God, and how we can become more faithful. It does not have to be at a church, as it can be in any setting. Faith in action is imperative for positive changes, and for that reason alone, we should get our feet out and do anything to raise awareness against seizures that have affected so many. "I need a sign, to let me know you're here. I won't give up if you don't give up."